Vanessa's

I'm seriously tired with lies. I'm tired in friendship. I'm tired in relationship. I'm stress enough for my confirmation name, stress enough for n level, stress for everything. But i never want to tell anyone, because i don't want my burden to be on others. I have been struggling behind this pillar for months, but who actually know i'm tired of it? Nobody. Because i know everybody has their own problems in life. And worst still, nobody wants to have that feeling when you are talking and your friend just act like they are listening but actually they are not. Only those that read my blog will understand. And let me say this, my blog is low profile because i don't want everybody to know about it. Yeah friendship, its been 15years plus and i have yet found a bestfriend that can be with all the way. Friends, its okay if you don't like me because i know my fcuking self that i'm not prefect. But so are you, ask yourself how many days were we there? 26days? And rumours has been going round like the second or third week. I've made up my mind okay, i'm reallyreally tired already. FRIENDS LIKE ME TELL YOU THAT I'M NOT THE TYPE THAT WILL GO CRAZY ALL THE TIME. Have you seen me at home? Do you know that i'm the type that is also quiet. You don't right, its because i always act hyper in front of you all to make you all laugh. You know how am i like when i'm in primary school? I'm the type that don't talk alot and always being alone. I tried to change, and yes this is what i get after 3years. I've enough. Once my bestfriend, i promise you i will never let our friendship go just like that. I'm sorry for not being thoughtful enough, sorry for being angry at times, sorry for not being good enough as a friend, sorry for not thinking about your feeling. But i really give up already. If you try, i will also try. Lets make it a point, 17may okay? Lets make this day the happiest day of the year. If i get rejected, then i promise i will never try ever again, and when you come to me i will reject you like how you reject me. Dearest sexybabe, i miss those days we had in the past. Chatting as though we don't have tomorrow but i'm sure we don't get the chance to be back right, its okay. As long as you are happy with your life. And yes relationship, this is part of our teenagers life right. So what is there to be shy and afraid of. Yes you i know about it, but you can't force love if its not meant to be. I have nothing much to say about this because its more secretive. Had said enough, i'm tired to go further. I'm upset enough.

Labels: Suckyday.

Its the second time of the day that i'm having moodswing. Haiz whats wrong with me lately. I feel upset very easily. K maybe thats one of the reason but its never good to say it out right, so its better if i keep it to myself. Ohwell its already feb, time flies really fast and soon n level will be here. After that, i only wish that i can go Korea and enjoy myself before starting my new year studying again. Although i don't have that positive mindset but life still goes on. Even before i wanna take this n level paper, i have been thinking if only i can stop studying right now, and get a job and earn money. Physics/chemistry is just killing me, coursework is really hard. Studies are getting harder and harder but what i can do right? If others can endure, who am i to not endure. I'm just taking the longer road, but i'm still like you guys.

To be frank, i always feel like an extra when you guys. I just hate that feeling that i tell myself that i'm an extra to you guys, and i'm always afraid that you guys will think that i don't have her thats why i go with you all. But really, my life now seriously sucks. One thing that i hate is, when you guys chat and when i look at you guys, you guys act normal. Am i like someone you can cheat/lie? Sigh, i know the story last year. But i really feel hopeless at this point. Haiz.

Labels: Ignorance is a bliss.

Hehehe thankyou John for making my day. Looks like my plan works right. :D heheh that feeling when you walk pass me at 12.00plus in the afternoon make me so happy. Eye contact. Turning around to avoid awkwardness. Haiyo so cute. <3 hahah im still happy that I saw you outside my school last Friday at 6plus. (: seeyounextweekbabe.

Babe, yeah I know myself. I know that 2009 December I was crazy about you. I admit before I went genting, I saved your photos in my phone so that I won't miss you when I'm away for 5days. And who knows after seeing your photo I miss you more. And I'm sure that my feeling started growing for you during march 2010. But because of those jealously I started to let my feeling go. Of course I was hurt back then, but I can't do anything to it right. When you were gone for months, I miss you a lot but I didn't say. And when you are back, the feeling came back again. And yes it repeat again, cos I jealously I tried to give up. Now that 60% of feeling is gone. I just wish you all the best for your relationship now, and hope you last long yeah. You might be lying but I'm tired to check about you already. But still we must take 2photos this year, I never forget. But did you? I don't know.

Now I want is just to study hard for n level. That's my first wish. My second wish is to have a boyfriend that will be trustworthy, someone that can keep my secret to, someone that will be there for me when I need him. (: that's all.

Heyooooo! Yes tomorrow is valentine day. I wonder what I will be receiving tomorrow. (: hohoho ohwell currently texting ZJ, I'm thinking of what bag I should buy for him. Shall shop with catherine&syahirah to get it for him. Since he gave me preset last year, I must give him this year&last year birthday present. Hahah (: k hope tomorrow will be my happiest day too. (; k goodnight bestie.

Labels: It's valentine day tomorrow.

Omg the weather seriously cmi ah sia. What's wrong with Singapore. Why can't singapore be like those country that has winter, summer, spring. I rather Singapore to be very cold than to be so damn the hot. And it just happen that I'm wearing long sleeves today. -.- and the worst thing is I'm in seating in the car. Ohwell, went catechism class. And I feel so embarrass. I was trying to squeeze through the two piano and the umbrella dropped. Zachus turn and look at me. Then later I give a retarded face and he look also. Ohgosh. And service, the part which I always look forward to. Saw John, my service friend. Then blablablabla now waiting in church for my mother.

Yesterday went out with Bryson & company. Watched 'chronicle' @ lotone and then slack awhile then home. Then had family dinner, it was awesome yes. And home.