I miss those day when i get to see ahemahem, SHERYL, yvette and company. Its like after the camp, i will be dead and never going to see them again.

ANYWAY yeahhh, i saw something this morning that is really saddening, till now its still hurting me. I just can't get that picture off my mind, i didn't immediately turn away when i saw it, i stunned at that scene. Ohwell, nevermind i believe life is like that. Lessons were normal, joan and i fall asleep while listening to the tutorial cos its seriously very boring + we are tired. I always need to thank CATHERINE KWEK KAILI, for accompanying me for sooo many days after school. That time cos of SL meeting she accompany me, then today i wanna go canteen and make a phone call she accompany me. Yeahhh, she doesn't want to take a lift to bangkit, so she walk alone. SIGH, i just really love this type of friends. They think for others before thinking about themselves. I promise this 15th years old birthday, i'm going to take this time to thank & apologize to people. Things may go wrong sometimes, its only matter if you want to give up that spot and give a chance.

Today assembly motivated me, trust me. If i was in the race and i sprain my leg or whatever, i will just give up and not bother to run anymore. Yeahhhh, that guy perverse, i must learn to be like him. To say the truth, i never want to think forward to my future. I'm just looking forward to the next day and see what comes and don't come, i don't know what my life will be like next time. I have lead my life to the wrong path, and its very hard to go back.

Thankyou SHERYL TOH for being there for me during the june holiday, you were the only one that i was close to during that time, honour anot? :P Yeahhhh, remember our sexybabe secrets? THEY ARE AWESOME <3 Anyway don't sadsad cos of *coughcough* okay! ((: I'm here 24/7 for you, if you need a ear i'm here for you toooooo. woaini, sheryltoh! ♥

Yeah that song remind me of that person.

Yeahhhhhh, so first day of school. Hmm i feel that its an awesome day in school cos we didn't really study/do much today. And also after about 1month i finally saw him again, that mood when i saw him wasn't reallt great, cos he came in with those bitches. wowfcuk. And so it slowly pass like that, then head back to class for lesson. After school had the SL meeting, yayyy SL outing @ Suntec on 4july. And 10days later is my birthday. HAHAH. End of my first day of school. Boring like shyt mannnn, tomorrow i end school at 2.10pm! :/

Dear friends, all my friends out there. Let me tell you this, i am someone friendly. If you treat me kind, i will treat you kind. If you treat me like a piece of shyt, dont expect me to treat you kind cos i'm not someone for you to make use of. One thing i hate about people is i don't like to be the same as someone, unless we are getting it together. Just don't piss me off then i will be okay.

To you:

I'm very sorry, but i'm very lazy to post for you for the time being cos i'm tired of everything. I type so much but you don't even get to read then what for.

I dreamt about that certain person like night, and that dream was really awesome really. Yeahhhh, and the person is you. So i was hoping that it will come true, that dream is on 26june2011, Sunday @ ECP. So when i woke up, i receive a message from someone else telling me about YOU and them going out tomorrow. And the next message says the outing is canceled. So i immediately stunned and hope that its true.

So i went to your photos, and see you and that girl. Hmm to me i think that she is your ex-girlfriend. Later i kept thinking and thinking about it. So i went twitter and i saw that you changed. Well, of course i couldn't change much too. But after i read what you tweet, my mood suddenly changed. And the only thing i did till i fall asleep is look at the ceiling and think and think.

I don't expect much, just that alittle bit is enough.

Yeahhhh, after sooooooo long for decision i decided to cut my hair. )): HAIZ, i keep it for so damn the long time, and now i'm going to cut it. Hopefully it don't curl cos i just reborn it recently. And that brownish colour cos of the reborn. School reopen confirm got spot check, later they think i dye my hair. -.- Sighhhh.

Tomorrow is Thursday alreadyyy, haiz i don't want school! I prefer slacking days, or in another words. I wanna live in those kampong, their life is so relaxing, just let the days pass like that. WHO DON'T WANT SIA??? Since studying is part of life, i needa go through this. I shall get my gold at the end of this year, i don't care. I wanna get that busary money so i can go and shop and buy everything i want.

My days just pass like that, since the first day of holiday. I slept at 12plus every night, and wake up super late. Sometimes i eat my lunch cum dinner at 4plus, sometimes i don't eat. Not knowing, its just a few more days before school reopen. HAIZ, TIME WHY PASS SO FAST! Yeahhhh, 22more days to my birthday.

YLC'10 ah YLC'10, i miss those people them, especially my red cobra. There were the people that made my 4days3nights camp, thankyou guys. Looking forward to the next general meeting on 9july. ((:

At first you didn't do much, your friend did. After today morning, i know that true colours of you. I got you wrong, i thought too highly of you. THANKYOU -.-

I wrote a long post for today but i deleted everything away cos of some reason. Ohwell, i didn't really do much today. Started the morning with stomach pain(gastric), head down to bugis with my siblings and cousin. Went to eat Sakae Sushi for breakfast cum lunch, didn't eat much cos of that stomach pain yeahhh. Wasted most of my time in the salon cos my cousin dyed her hair and all. Dinner with my dad and home.

Well, another day just passed like that. Time flies, a few more days and school reopen. HAIZ back to that serious mood, i'm not going to give up. Cos i promise my other honors roll award member to get gold at the end of the year. As term passes, our work get harder. But i believe in doing lots of practice it will help. Its times i need to study hard and get ready for next year.

Thankyou june holiday for being such an awesome one, but you pass really fast. But nevermind cos i'm looking forward to my birthday. December holiday, take your time. Don't pass so quickly, i need more time to study for that paper next year. ((: hahah joke.

ANYWAYYYYY hopefully the YLC'10 general meeting tomorrow will be an awesome one, and also i don't wish my groupmate to sabo me to do presentation if there is? YEAH, i said i will speak up, i need time ahhhhh. I miss those YLC'10 people, they are awesome people i swear.

Looking forward to Xenia's birthday party on 21june, gonna forget about all those things that upset me and just enjoy myself. After the party, imma going to pick my mother from the airport. SL outing ah SL outing, faster settle can go! THATS ALL! Those who cannot make it then ehhh toooo bad! Go for the next outing thats all.

Its my third time writing THIS! I wrote everything and backspace everything again and again and again. Because i don't know whats in my mind, i don't know how to explain. I don't know why but my mood is really like a roller coaster lately, it just goes all the way up and go all the way down like nobody business. I tried to hold back my tears so that no one will know that i'm troubled with stuff, i tried but i still failed. Those tears flow out just like the water coming out from the tap.

I may look like someone strong and doesn't cry, its all a lie. I hide all my sadness behind that wall and never tell anyone about it. I never want to show people that side of me because everyone tell me that they prefer to see me smile then to cry. Its been months almost a year that i try to grant their wish, but lately i can't anymore. It doesn't seem to be working anymore, i'm about to break down any moment.

#nowmood is as low as anything else and its indescribably.

Okay i shall start, oh well. I started my NWCDC camp with a negative mindset, thinking that this camp will be one of the worst camp cos i was afraid that i couldn't make friend with anyone in my group and i will be alone. My personality is i can be friendly to someone if that someone make the first move. Okay, after the first and second day i see the progress of me making friends with others. But of course i didn't talk alot in those group discussion and giving alot of ideas. I have been trying to speak in front of a group since the first day i became a student leader. Its a progress, its really hard to do it when all eyes are looking at me, i just can't open my mouth and speak. Its like if i said something wrong, everyone will end up laughing, its such a embarrassment. Alright not talking about this anymore. In other camps i don't really go for all the games, i will skip some for some reasons. But this time round, for the maze my toe was injured but i didn't tell anyone cos i wanted to try. My cca is library club, and i never tried this type of activities before so i told myself. Just try, by trying it help you gain experiences dont be afraid of being embarrass, dont what you can do thats all vanessa you can do it! I keep telling myself this, thats the reason why i had the faith to try. My group member, facilitator may say that i'm really quite and don't really talk much. Yeah, i said outspoken because that was something i wanna try to achieve but i couldn't. I really wish that one day i will be able to speak in front of a crowd, but no one really understand how i feel deep inside. After this 4days3nights camp, i know where is my weak point. I know where i should start and when i should. Probably the next meeting i will try to speak up more and try doing a presentation to show that i'm not that time of girl staying in my own comfort zone.

My promise to YLC10 & the rest 'i promise to be committed to YLC10 and also try to speak up more' i will fulfill them after my 1year attachment.

Thankyou facilitator that helped me because of my ingrown nail, thankyou charmaine for helping me put medicine and all. Thankyou red cobra for giving me the courage to stand tall and work towards my goal, i believe i can.